He thinks you are trying to bring him down. But it sounds like he’s bringing you down. Ask him to consider at least a part-time job if not a full-time job until he has something that can support him better.
Tell him gently you have the same feelings as he does for financial issues. Get him into a job and if he thinks you are trying to put him down, just tell him you arent doing it for you, you are doing it for him. Tell him you care for him just as much as your mother/father did. You dont want to get in fights with him about money. Tell him, that if he doesnt get a job, you may get into many fights just over money and it may settle for a divorce. Dont try to scare him though. lol
Wow, I feel like I’m talking to myself, here. We’re in the same situation.
As hard as it is, tell him that you have faith in his decisions and believe in him. You have to butter him up before he’ll seriously listen to you. Tell him that you are stressed out beyond belief and that you really need his help. Express to him that you want to have a good life together and that you want to be comfortable instead of just scraping by… but that you can’t do it alone.
My husband and I just had a HUGE fight the other night over this exact same thing. He’s been trying really hard to find work, and it’s just not happening for him. He has been really defensive and withdrawn, and it turns out that it was because I was ineffectively communicating with him.
I told him that I’m sorry I come off as a bitch, but that I am stressed beyond belief and I just don’t understand how someone as intelligent and talented as he is can’t find any work.
We sat down and discussed a “game plan”. I told him that I just needed some assurance that we are taking steps in the right direction toward fixing our situation.
As far as his “marketing/entrepreneurial” ideas go… well, we’re in a recession right now and it probably wouldn’t be the best idea to start up a business right now, because it’s too hard to find investors.
Best of luck with this! It’s really hard, but keep your chin up and keep your eyes on the prize!
Sit him down and face him with the reality of the bills, etc. that maintain your lifestyle. Then, suggest he takes on a full time job and practices his entrepreneurialism in his spare time. When/if it takes off he can ditch the full time job.
When the lights get turned off and you have no money to buy groceries and the water gets turned off — maybe he will get the message then. My sister did this when her husband refused to find a job and was falling prey to every money making scam out there.
Tell him that you believe in him but financially you can not do it by yourself. Make a list of all your bills and the money coming in and the money going out. Leave it on the fridge. Let him know that you need to work together to get things taken care. Ask him when the last time he actually had a paycheck and wouldn’t he feel better making some real money instead of dreaming about it. Unless you give him an ultimatum he is going to continue doing nothing, he goes on the defensive just to make you feel bad. Tell him he can really work at a regular job and still follow his on line dreaming at the same time. If you don’t get tough now, you won’t have a marriage left. If he really loves you then he will do the right thing and see the error of his ways.
There are several jobs that are almost always looking for workers that would not get in his way to do his Entreprenurial Spirit.
For example: UPS is always looking for people to load trucks from 0400 to 0900 each morning. So he could be home mid morning to work his dream.
You use a term that is often heard in church: “spirit”. Remind your husband that supporting his family is one of the hallmarks of a christian. I cannot understand how a person can claim to be a christian and not support his family. Also tithe. It may not make sense. I can tell you that my annual income went from $60K per year to $164K per year after I started and continued to tithe. That is our 1st plan when we create a family budget.
you could say, “… honey, I know you are into these on-line businesses, but we need something with a regular pay check… “… you have to be real and honest.. “… the past hasn’t worked and we need to change something… ” he will probably feel like he is giving up, but he can “do” the on-line stuff on the side.. & when it takes off and prospers more than the standard job, do that full time… he has to realize it.. if you push, he will resist…
Tell him that you have supported his “financial freedom and his freedom from responsibilities and that “you are tired” Tell him that you will not be working a full time plus job anymore and that he is going to have to help. To make this stick, make sure you see your doctor for a check up before you talk. When you come home , tell him that” the doctor says you must cut back because your health is at stake.” (this is undoubtedly true) He may step up, if he knows that his entire meal-ticket may disappear if he doesn’t. Tell him you can not continue doing the kind of hours that you are and that he has to find at least part time employment, because you are not going to be carrying the burden alone anymore.
Tell him you support his efforts but since he’s into online marketing businesses, he can do that in the evenings after his regular job.
I would select a date and tell him if he cannot pay the mortgage or electric bill (your choice of debt) by a specific date, then we will have look at alternate options like his moving out.
Unfortunately, if you’ve tried to get through to him and it hasn’t worked, it’s time to seriously play hard ball.
I’ve seen this situation before and I can tell you that it’s not so much his ‘entrepreneurial’ spirit that drives him, it’s that he’s a lazy bum and doesn’t want to work. Get rid of him, unless of course you want to support him for the rest of your life. Good luck with that.
Comments on How do I get through to my husband? »
tell the bum to get a job or get the hel out He is taking advantage of you and its not right
He thinks you are trying to bring him down. But it sounds like he’s bringing you down. Ask him to consider at least a part-time job if not a full-time job until he has something that can support him better.
Tell him gently you have the same feelings as he does for financial issues. Get him into a job and if he thinks you are trying to put him down, just tell him you arent doing it for you, you are doing it for him. Tell him you care for him just as much as your mother/father did. You dont want to get in fights with him about money. Tell him, that if he doesnt get a job, you may get into many fights just over money and it may settle for a divorce. Dont try to scare him though. lol
put the bills in front of his face!!!!!!!! then tell him you love him and want to support him but this is reality.
Grab him by the balls and tell his sorry *** to man up!!!!!!!!
Wow, I feel like I’m talking to myself, here. We’re in the same situation.
As hard as it is, tell him that you have faith in his decisions and believe in him. You have to butter him up before he’ll seriously listen to you. Tell him that you are stressed out beyond belief and that you really need his help. Express to him that you want to have a good life together and that you want to be comfortable instead of just scraping by… but that you can’t do it alone.
My husband and I just had a HUGE fight the other night over this exact same thing. He’s been trying really hard to find work, and it’s just not happening for him. He has been really defensive and withdrawn, and it turns out that it was because I was ineffectively communicating with him.
I told him that I’m sorry I come off as a bitch, but that I am stressed beyond belief and I just don’t understand how someone as intelligent and talented as he is can’t find any work.
We sat down and discussed a “game plan”. I told him that I just needed some assurance that we are taking steps in the right direction toward fixing our situation.
As far as his “marketing/entrepreneurial” ideas go… well, we’re in a recession right now and it probably wouldn’t be the best idea to start up a business right now, because it’s too hard to find investors.
Best of luck with this! It’s really hard, but keep your chin up and keep your eyes on the prize!
Sit him down and face him with the reality of the bills, etc. that maintain your lifestyle. Then, suggest he takes on a full time job and practices his entrepreneurialism in his spare time. When/if it takes off he can ditch the full time job.
When the lights get turned off and you have no money to buy groceries and the water gets turned off — maybe he will get the message then. My sister did this when her husband refused to find a job and was falling prey to every money making scam out there.
Tell him that you believe in him but financially you can not do it by yourself. Make a list of all your bills and the money coming in and the money going out. Leave it on the fridge. Let him know that you need to work together to get things taken care. Ask him when the last time he actually had a paycheck and wouldn’t he feel better making some real money instead of dreaming about it. Unless you give him an ultimatum he is going to continue doing nothing, he goes on the defensive just to make you feel bad. Tell him he can really work at a regular job and still follow his on line dreaming at the same time. If you don’t get tough now, you won’t have a marriage left. If he really loves you then he will do the right thing and see the error of his ways.
There are several jobs that are almost always looking for workers that would not get in his way to do his Entreprenurial Spirit.
For example: UPS is always looking for people to load trucks from 0400 to 0900 each morning. So he could be home mid morning to work his dream.
You use a term that is often heard in church: “spirit”. Remind your husband that supporting his family is one of the hallmarks of a christian. I cannot understand how a person can claim to be a christian and not support his family. Also tithe. It may not make sense. I can tell you that my annual income went from $60K per year to $164K per year after I started and continued to tithe. That is our 1st plan when we create a family budget.
So there are options.
Good Luck.
you could say, “… honey, I know you are into these on-line businesses, but we need something with a regular pay check… “… you have to be real and honest.. “… the past hasn’t worked and we need to change something… ” he will probably feel like he is giving up, but he can “do” the on-line stuff on the side.. & when it takes off and prospers more than the standard job, do that full time… he has to realize it.. if you push, he will resist…
Tell him that you have supported his “financial freedom and his freedom from responsibilities and that “you are tired” Tell him that you will not be working a full time plus job anymore and that he is going to have to help. To make this stick, make sure you see your doctor for a check up before you talk. When you come home , tell him that” the doctor says you must cut back because your health is at stake.” (this is undoubtedly true) He may step up, if he knows that his entire meal-ticket may disappear if he doesn’t. Tell him you can not continue doing the kind of hours that you are and that he has to find at least part time employment, because you are not going to be carrying the burden alone anymore.
Tell him you support his efforts but since he’s into online marketing businesses, he can do that in the evenings after his regular job.
I would select a date and tell him if he cannot pay the mortgage or electric bill (your choice of debt) by a specific date, then we will have look at alternate options like his moving out.
Unfortunately, if you’ve tried to get through to him and it hasn’t worked, it’s time to seriously play hard ball.
I’ve seen this situation before and I can tell you that it’s not so much his ‘entrepreneurial’ spirit that drives him, it’s that he’s a lazy bum and doesn’t want to work. Get rid of him, unless of course you want to support him for the rest of your life. Good luck with that.